fade

in the shower today, i notice the color safe conditioner i bought during the summer on one of my drives between our broken apartment and my high school bedroom is almost empty. the industrial size pink bottle sits on my bathroom floor. i never imagined it would run out.

i also notice that the bangs i manically gave myself after you broke up with me on my birthday are also growing out, framing my face in an entirely new way. i hardly recognize the girl staring back at me. i almost feel pretty.

the pictures from the apartment we briefly shared are almost all deleted, the furniture sold, the keys turned in, the cleaners hired. 

the little evidence of both the joy and heartbreak from our relationship is starting to fade like the saturation in my hair, but will it ever truly fade? 

will it remain in the way i hesitate to fully open up to others, afraid of being told that im being too much 

will it remain in the way im afraid to give someone everything, because i learned the hard way that vulnerability can't be returned like the clothes and pictures we exchange in the aftermath.

or will it remain in the way that even things in black and white still retain the hues and saturations of the past, pathetic symbolism of the absence of a light?

hm.