monday’s might suck, but life is good

you chose fiction! i wrote this about you because i feel like so many of our conversations have centered around these concepts of dreaming, yearning, and reality. but your ambitions and passions are cool and you always motivate me to hope and reflect, and i can’t wait to see where we both end up. 

lots of love for you bro :)

dedicated to jonathan esguerra

---

jon opened his eyes, waking up naturally from the gentle sunlight streaming in from the left side of his room. almost instinctively, he reached for his phone and tapped in his phone’s passcode, his muscle memory impressive with his eyes only half open. his thumb moved swiftly to the spotify widget that took up a huge place on his home screen, next to the widget of his girlfriend’s smiling face and his photos, where memories of his family, dogs, and friends rotated on a carousel randomly throughout the day. this intentional ease of access to these apps was just a small sign of jon’s love for those in his life. 

he hit the ‘play’ button in the bottom corner of the Spotify app and the room was filled with music, already connected to his bluetooth speaker from listening to music the night prior. the old school hip hop helped him feel more awake, as he opened his other apps to check on what he missed while he was asleep... well, all five hours of it. he first checked his messages and responded to his friends, appropriately “loving” his friend’s pictures and sending perfect reaction pictures when words weren’t necessary. he opened TikTok and began scrolling before the sounds of the latest new tiktok rot sound interrupted his music. annoyed, he stopped to think: 

is this really how i want to spend my morning? he thought to himself. 

nah.

he reached for the corner of the blanket and swiftly pulled it away from his body, exposing himself to the cool air. he turned over and hopped out of bed, before neatly replacing the blanket and pillows in an orderly arrangement. embracing a feeling of morning peace, he took a small second to look around his room and appreciate its details. the vinyls and posters he had in the corner of his room, the polaroids and postcards from friends, the smiskis and trinkets he’d collected over the years, and his hats and accessories hanging from their hooks. home

he turned the cool door handle and pushed the bathroom door open, beginning his morning routine. as he brushed his teeth, washed his face, applied his sunscreen (thank you girlfriend), and put his glasses on, he thought about what he wanted to do today. it was a rare monday where he was fully free, as his company was observing a holiday. he had no rehearsals for his dance teams or obligations with anyone. immediately, his brain raced to find a way to fill the time, not wanting it to go to waste. 

i should dance. i should skate. i could go lift or play basketball. i should go thrift of try that new restaurant. hmm, i haven’t visited home in a while….ok, or i could go watch the new a24 movie… or there was that place i saw on tiktok that looked pretty cool, maybe kayla wants to go with me. fuck, maybe i should apply for a job in new york…there’s only so many hours in the day, how can i optimize it? i want to make it count. 

indecision gripped him and he felt more overwhelmed with every opportunity the day brought. interrupting his train of thought; however, was the sound of his stomach grumbling. he opened the door from his bedroom to move into the living room and shared kitchen, where he grew excited at the idea of something he could cook. he had been trying to save money recently and it felt good to stay accountable to his goals. plus, he just really fucking loved cooking. 

walking into his living room, he grabbed the remote and turned the tv on before deciding what he wanted to listen to. music was a constant for him, following him everywhere he went and taking him to new places everyday, whether that be through dance, making playlists and exchanging music with friends, or going to concerts with friends. food also happened to be a vessel for him in that way. he admired chefs and the restaurant industry, with a vast appreciation for the creativity, artistry, storytelling, and just the taste and memories of great food with great company.

he clicked through the menu options to YouTube and settled on an Eater video about “must try places in seattle”, hoping to see one of the places he had visited on his trip earlier that month. 

ever since graduating and landing his full time job, he often felt unsure about… well a lot of things. whether he was passionate about the company, whether he wanted to stay in his hometown close to his long term friends and family, or whether he wanted to seek change in a new city. he often found himself daydreaming about what his life would look like in a different city, eager to explore a new place and immerse himself in it. 

as the sounds of a busy restaurant filled the living room -- sizzling, chopping, and yelling, jon proceeded into his own kitchen to prepare some breakfast. 

clank 

the various glass condiments knocked against one another and created that familiar sound, as jon opened the fridge to take survey of the ingredients he had on hand. he moved efficiently, grabbing all of the ingredients out of the fridge and gathering various utensils and cookware with ease. the last item he grabbed was an old, blue ihop apron that he tied around his waist. he was ready.

twenty minutes later, he had made himself a beautiful breakfast taco. a crispy, flour tortilla with leftover pork belly, scrambled egg, hash browns, and garnished with sriracha, cilantro, and green onion. the fusion of different cultures was familiar and comfortable, growing up as an asian american in texas. he delicately garnished his masterpiece with some flaky salt, then took his phone out to take a quick picture to drop in the groupchat, wishing we had the technology to transport smells digitally. 

as he ate, he began to think about the opportunity in the day ahead of him…. and then, he began to think about the opportunity in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead of him. he was so growth- oriented and open to the endless possibilities that life could bring. he loved that part of himself. this trait was the part of himself that helped him start his dance journey and put himself out there creatively in a new space, despite initial hesitation or intimidation. this hunger and desire for life was often a motivator behind so much of his success, and often outweighed the parts of him at times that failed to see his own greatness. 

but there was also this longing that left him always looking to the next thing, often disappointed by the present. having expectations was hard, but having expectations not met was even more difficult. 

while chewing on both his literal breakfast and also pondering the idea of what was out there, his eye wandered over to his key chain that held his car keys and apartment fob. the trinkets and bracelets that hung from the carabiner were bright and colorful, breaking the monotonous silver and gray. these fragments of personalization from his friends made him sentimental.

he thought about his gratitude towards his family, for all the sacrifices they made so he could have these opportunities. he thought about his gratitude for his car, that took him and his friends safely from each of their destinations but also took him to work, where he earned the money to cultivate and create his own space for himself, or for hosting all his loved ones, or for investing his money into his own travels and hobbies. he thought about his lovely girlfriend, and all of the countless drives he had with her to dates, rehearsals, sweet treats, or even just running errands. he thought about his friends and all of the trips they took in his car. countless drives to the rec center for dance rehearsals, or HEB on a mundane sunday afternoon, or to McDonalds on a rare late night. he smiled to himself at the range of serious and stupid conversations they had during those drives. he even thought about those drives he had alone, where he discovered or re-discovered music that he might have otherwise missed. he was even shocked at his own realization that those long stretches of time without any distraction offered him rare pockets for clarity and reflection. 

as he finished off his breakfast taco, savoring the last few bites, he sighed a sigh of content. he could be anywhere in the world right now, and he wasn’t sure where he would end up by the end of the day, or by the end of the year, but he knew in this moment that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. 

monday’s might suck, but life’s good.